The Greatest Gift in Life is Love

Man! Today has already been a doozy. No problem though, as soon as I get home I'm holding my kid and giving her tons of kisses on those adorable little cheeks :) I was up early/late last night but how can you really care when you have this little bundle of love that just smiles when she sees your face? Man I love my little girl!

       

        Last night, I hear her stir and I think, damn. I peek over at her and she’s, of course, wide awake! Looking at me she smiles and coos saying "Morning mommy, I’m so glad to see you!", and I smile. Man she already has me wrapped around her finger. There’s really nothing better than that, except when I pick her up I bury my face in her shoulder and inhale that wonderful baby smell. ::sigh:: It’s really better than any cup of morning coffee or the warmest blanket on a cold night. She comforts me, as much as I comfort her. She saves my sanity just by her scent alone. I’m pretty sure that God did this on purpose, knowing that to ensure the safety of newborns; they must be appealing to the parents. Smell, one of the most used senses, is the strongest out of the six senses; at least for me it is.
       She has this way about her that’s totally relaxing. I pick her up and she stops fussing and gives me one of her special hugs. Putting her head down on my shoulder, and wrapping one arm over mine and the other gripping the collar of my shirt. She puts her trust in me completely and that’s the most comforting feeling in the world. If I can’t get anything right, I can make her happy at least.

                                             

        

        God, I miss my husband. I wish he could be here experiencing this with me. I know he feels the same way, I mean, how would any man feel if he couldn’t be there for his family? His duties as a Marine must be fulfilled before anything else unfortunately. I’m so proud of him, even if he doesn’t understand it. He’s my biggest accomplishment in life, and has given me the most precious gift in the world. I know that our marriage is special because I’ve felt the same way about him since the day we met. When we met, it almost hurt to look into his eyes because I felt so swamped by this weird feeling in my stomach. Butterflies were fluttering like crazy and it almost hurt, that’s how I knew I could possibly love him in the future. I was terrified of him, and the power he never knew he had over me. To this day, I am more forgiving of him than I have ever been of any man. It’s mainly because I trust him; trust is a very powerful thing. I trust him to be right even when I feel like I’m losing control (which is a big thing for me). I have to have control over my life or I feel like I’m failing myself... He lets me relax and let someone else take control. It’s still hard to relinquish that controlling side I have, but that’s what partners are for. To help carry the burden for you so you can rest. I am so thankful I have such a wonderful husband.

Happy Baby = Happy Mommy

     Little baby fingers, little baby toes, little baby belly button and adorable button nose. Yea, it’s cheesy, but all those things make up only a fraction of the reasons why I love my little girl. Nothing prepares you for the moment you see that purple little alien screaming its way out of between your knees, but for some reason, probably from the relief that you can sneeze without peeing on yourself or maybe it’s because you can finally picture your body back to some semblance of normalcy, well for whatever the reason it’s the most beautiful moment in your life.
           I personally was in shock after the first wave of amazement dissipated and made way for the "I'm too worried to fall asleep because she might stop breathing" stage. I don’t think I slept for the first two weeks because I couldn’t stop staring at this little bundle that seemed to be all fingers and toes. I was afraid that if I slept people would think I wasn’t attentive enough. I already was trying to figure out how the heck I was going to manage everything else in my life, from my husband being deployed and I having to get back to my pre-baby weight in six months because of the Navy weight standards and the lack of sleep was pointless really. It just made me stressed out till one night I had to put her down and go into the living room and just cry! I thought man! This is HARD! What the F*#% was I THINKING!? After I was done cussing at the stars and I calmed back down, I took a deep breath and as always, picked myself back up and rushed back into the ring. Putting on a brave face and faking a happy voice, I lifted her up and asked her what was wrong. Silly huh? Much to my surprise I put her on my shoulder and she started gumming my collarbone. DUH! She was still hungry! Wow. That was easy!
          After the 2nd month I felt like a pro! That’s the great thing about babies, they let you know. All you have to do is learn how to tell what they’re saying. It sounds tougher than it actually is really; it’s you that makes it difficult. The one piece of advice that I clung to like a lifeline was from someone that I have always trusted, just as much as my own mother. She said to "Trust her, to trust you enough to figure what she's trying to tell you." Duh. Putting it that way seemed so much easier to think about. Everyone thinks they’re an expert, but the truth is, everyone is an expert on knowing what’s going on with THEIR baby. Not yours. So she was right! So, I started to relax and just trust my daughter to trust me to look for signs that she was blatantly giving me.
          Now, Jessyca is starting to smile. There’s nothing that reassures you that you’re "doing it right" more than that smile they give you in the middle of the night, when you’re bleary eyed and groggy and all you want to do is roll over and fall back to sleep. But, like a diligent mother goose, you get up and make sure your little baby bird is alright. No matter how irritable you are, or how much of a non-morning person you think you are, there’s no way to be grumpy with that little person when they see you and they light up from head to toe. They smile and give a little coo like "I knew you’d come, I missed you." I’ll tell you what, my heart melts and I pick her up and kiss her little pudgy cheeks and say "Good morning beautiful, of course I'm here, I’ll never abandon you." A smile is the one line of defense that God gives babies so that they can survive. What a smart God. Hahahaha