If I Die Today I'll Die Happy

Its another chapter written by the stars
Its a new day to wake up and smile at the sun
Today is going to be the best day of my life,
because if I die today, Ill die happy.

Ive lived my life to the best that I can,
Its a dog-eat-dog world and I am only one woman,
I can say that Im happy with myself the way that I am
Im finally seeing the top of this mountain,

I can finally see the silver in the clouds.
Ive got my pockets filled with change
and a song in my heart
The sun is shining so bright, no clouds in sight

And if I die today, Ill die happy,
Ive got shoes on my babys feet
I can feel the sun on my face
And I still have the heart to keep singin'

I have loved a man, I have lost my mind
He took me for a fool and wasted my time
so I showed him the door and let him walk out
If today is my day, Ill walk to heaven with this smile on my face.


Cause if I die today, Ill die happy anyway
Ive got the sun on my face and a smile in my heart
Ill keep singing my tune til time runs out
If  I die today, Ill die happy.

Love life, Live to Love

I can't go back to where I was. Panic sets in as my mid wanders to the numerous fights, arguments, shouting matches.. The hurt is still there, the pain of rejection is real. Still fresh. He wants to do counseling, thinking it'll help us but I just want to run away from it. Jessyca is my top priority now and I like having my life that simple. I remember when I thought he was the one. Sparks never flew, I just saw him as a good father. I never thought, I can't live without him, never thought I was any better with him. I fought toe to toe to keep from getting bulldozed and bullied around.

I want something else. I want something new. I want trust, I want stability, I want honesty. I want to get away from him because he makes me second guess myself, I'm unsure when he's around. I feel like I curl up inside and hide my real thoughts because its not what he wants to hear. I'm ready for the rest of my life taking care of my daughter, not worrying if ill ever get loved in return, or if ill be taken advantage of and treated like I don't matter. Because I do... I'm smart, funny and have so much to offer. I love to love, I love to take care of people, I love to help and encourage.

I need to fall in love with myself before I look for anything else.

23Dec2013

23DEC-2013 Its that day. The day we said "I do" has always been etched in my mind. I always thought thatd be the only time Id ever have to say it. Im grown, yet that day was supposed to be a little girl's dream come true. But it wasnt, and the anniversaries of it were even less than that. Howd we get to this point? Why did you ahve to push me here? Every glance, every word was always so dismissive, so defensive. You ignored my pleas to stay, ignored my desperate displays of affection, you sought out other company. Though the same sex, it was just as painful as if it were someone else youd lain with in our bed. I started looking elsewhere, when it got really rough but I never could quite go through with it. Never wanted to say I was the one giving up. It wasnt about who let go first, it should have been who loved the most. Who gave the most away to keep us together. I did everything for you, and all you see is how Im walking away. Forget the times I tried to please you, tried to make you happy, comfortable, tried to "talk things out". Its only now that youll agree to counseling, only now that youll ask for help. It hurts me. Hurts that you have to realize now that Im really serious. I fought toe to toe with you to keep from getting bulldozed and bullied around. I fought every time I wanted to lay down and give it all away and Im still fighthing. This time fighting not to give in and let you come back. I cant do that to myself, wont let it happen.

"You only need the light when its burning low, Only miss the Sun when it starts to snow, Only know you love her when you let her go,

Only know youve been high when youre feeling low, Only hate the road when youre missing home, Only know you love her when you let her go, and you let her go"

Because You Have To

Staring at the ceiling hoping its just for now,

Falling apart at the seams alone in the dark.

Its times like these you'd wished you could fall apart,

 But until it's over, together is all you're allowed to be.

Its hard to understand why the heart hurts when it mourns,

Like all the blood leaves when the betrayal pushes its way inside.

It throbs with ever sob, breaking and wrenching until you fall to your knees,

You can't seem to stand, to take a breath, the cold sets in.

It's not that you can't handle the pain running rampant through your veins,

It's time to push the emotions aside so you can stand.

Putting them in a dark place and putting them under lock and key,

If not, the darkness you embrace, the pain is the only thing you can see. 

Remember your hardships, learn from your mistakes,

Help those who reach for your guidance and always give it your all.

It's time to stand upright, straighten your spine and put your hands up to fight.

Get back into this race, get into your lane and run until your heart bursts.

Put your priorities in order, keep your head barely above water.

Dont worry, You'll make it because you have to.

The Power of Positive Thinking

The Power of Positive Thinking

You must ask yourself, “is the glass half-empty or half-full?” Asking this question will certainly gage your outlook on life and your attitude towards yourself, and whether you’re an optimist or a pessimist.  What people don’t realize is that optimism and pessimism can affect your overall health and well-being. Positive thinking is a key element of effective stress management and is associated with many health benefits. The power that positive thinking has on the human mind and body is unmatched by any time you spend in the gym.  It has always been said that “It could always be worse” for one reason or another to encourage people to think positively about their situation. You have to be healthy mentally before you can be healthy physically.  Scientists will tell you that the glass is neither half full nor half empty, it is either filled with water or air. Philosophers like Aristotle, Gandhi, and even Helen Keller have also had valid points to say simply, ‘be positive’.

Aristotle says “It is during our darkest moments that we must focus to see the light”. This means something because, as a service member, we hear and see about an abundance of violence, but also we see light and hope. We bring hope to those that are oppressed in Afghanistan and Africa and we provide relief efforts for those in Haiti and Japan from Tsunamis and earthquakes and other natural disasters. We see the amount of hope we bring to those that need it and that’s why we do what we do. If you adopt a positive attitude you teach yourself to expect success. The people that accept positive thinking as their way of life see results just by believing in its effectiveness. Gandhi was the leader of the nonviolent civil disobedience movements in India. He had a vision of his country being free by epitomizing peacefulness and truth in all situations. He led by example and moved many by being so profoundly diplomatic. Gandhi said it right when he said “A man is but the product of his thoughts what he thinks, he becomes”. Meaning, thinking positively will help you overcome everyday problems and will have you acting positively, making the best of every situation.  

Take Helen Keller as another example. She overcame such odds and still held onto her faith in herself.  “Your success and happiness lies in you. Resolve to keep happy, and your joy and you shall form an invincible host against difficulties”.  By that she means that positive thinking can overcome even the toughest of obstacles. She was deaf, blind, and mute and still learned how to read Braille, went to school to learn how to speak and later on became a famous public speaker and an advocate for the disabled. She was elected to be in the Women’s Hall of fame and was awarded doctoral degrees in some of the top Universities in the US and Europe. She became an excellent example of how determination, imagination and a positive outlook on life can allow and anyone, especially those faced with obstacles seemingly too great to overcome, to triumph and succeed.

Over the last 5 months this deployment has certainly touched on every single key point made so far. To get up in the morning after having an especially late night Skyping to loved ones in different time zones, is no easy task. But you get to look out your window and gauge just how much time you have and what kind of day it is going to be because the moon is still hanging outside your room. Full and contented the moon shines at you as if saying “The day isn’t going to be that bad, I’ll be back in a few hours then it will be time to sleep again.” And with a sigh, you get up, put your pants on one leg at a time and take a deep breath. Today is going to be a great day, you tell yourself. And because you said it, it will be. The power of believing everything will be ok, even when you’re not one hundred percent sure is half the battle right there. Often, just saying that will help immensely. That’s the power of positive thinking. You’re not sure what kind of day it’s going to be, but you have your coffee, breakfast and a deep breath in your lungs to say “Ok day, let’s get down to it.”