23Dec2013

23DEC-2013 Its that day. The day we said "I do" has always been etched in my mind. I always thought thatd be the only time Id ever have to say it. Im grown, yet that day was supposed to be a little girl's dream come true. But it wasnt, and the anniversaries of it were even less than that. Howd we get to this point? Why did you ahve to push me here? Every glance, every word was always so dismissive, so defensive. You ignored my pleas to stay, ignored my desperate displays of affection, you sought out other company. Though the same sex, it was just as painful as if it were someone else youd lain with in our bed. I started looking elsewhere, when it got really rough but I never could quite go through with it. Never wanted to say I was the one giving up. It wasnt about who let go first, it should have been who loved the most. Who gave the most away to keep us together. I did everything for you, and all you see is how Im walking away. Forget the times I tried to please you, tried to make you happy, comfortable, tried to "talk things out". Its only now that youll agree to counseling, only now that youll ask for help. It hurts me. Hurts that you have to realize now that Im really serious. I fought toe to toe with you to keep from getting bulldozed and bullied around. I fought every time I wanted to lay down and give it all away and Im still fighthing. This time fighting not to give in and let you come back. I cant do that to myself, wont let it happen.

"You only need the light when its burning low, Only miss the Sun when it starts to snow, Only know you love her when you let her go,

Only know youve been high when youre feeling low, Only hate the road when youre missing home, Only know you love her when you let her go, and you let her go"