I can't go back to where I was. Panic sets in as my mid wanders to the numerous fights, arguments, shouting matches.. The hurt is still there, the pain of rejection is real. Still fresh. He wants to do counseling, thinking it'll help us but I just want to run away from it. Jessyca is my top priority now and I like having my life that simple. I remember when I thought he was the one. Sparks never flew, I just saw him as a good father. I never thought, I can't live without him, never thought I was any better with him. I fought toe to toe to keep from getting bulldozed and bullied around.
I want something else. I want something new. I want trust, I want stability, I want honesty. I want to get away from him because he makes me second guess myself, I'm unsure when he's around. I feel like I curl up inside and hide my real thoughts because its not what he wants to hear. I'm ready for the rest of my life taking care of my daughter, not worrying if ill ever get loved in return, or if ill be taken advantage of and treated like I don't matter. Because I do... I'm smart, funny and have so much to offer. I love to love, I love to take care of people, I love to help and encourage.
I need to fall in love with myself before I look for anything else.
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